looking at life through another lens…

Today, with salty tears of gratitude, I am thrilled to say that the fire burning in my soul believes I can have joy in this life again. I have and continue to ebb and flow my way through the gritty-grief lens of life, and as the healing has taken shape, the lens I peeked through shifted. At times, the lens would zoom closely in on my life, and I would sit still in the moment, calling for my attention to the detail. As the healing transformed, the lens of life would zoom out just far enough for me to see the whole picture. I am grateful, and I am smiling. Because today, I could not imagine looking at life through another lens.

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Instead of asking, "why did this happen." I now have the perspective to say, "I am completely blessed that my Creator believed in very ordinary me to experience an extraordinary love in this life here." After all, if you love big in this life here, you will hurt big in this life here. All of it is rooted in love, and it's what love does.

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Yes, life has plans of its own that will most definitely break the heart.

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I believe it takes guts to grieve—and the process called me to lean into vulnerability. I was scared to lean into vulnerability. As my lens shifted, I became braver, and slowly I was able to embrace the very act of permitting myself to loosen my grip on my past. And, my goodness, I held onto dear life to my past. In all of my flesh and bones, I tried to "fix" my "broken." With time, I recognized that fear was at the root of all of my brokenness. It was fear standing in the way of developing peace in my heart. Fear of loss. Fear of abandonment. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of doing this big life adventure on my own.

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My heart was thirsty, and I needed to quench its thirst. I was like a baby birdie who had its flying lesson. And as I continued my healing journey, a vulnerability called for me to step off the branch where I had sat perched for quite some time. I practiced flapping my wings, and sweet surrender took shape as I leaned forward into the space of vulnerability. Before I knew it, I was beginning to fly.

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It was messy. It was raw. It was the labor of my heart being rebirthed. "It," that is, love is the most honorable thing a heart can feel in this life here. And, friend, I couldn't imagine looking at life through another lens. -Carrie Soper

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